Twilight: Instant Messaging
by jn.v13
Summary: I know this has been done many, many times over but I thought it would be fun to write it anyways! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! :-
1. The Cool Parent

**Twilight: Instant Messaging**

**A/N: I know this has already been done, (many, many times) but I'd thought it would be fun to try anyways. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!**

**SPOILERS WARNING Takes place after Breaking Dawn.**

* * *

**Bella Cullen has logged on.**

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Bella: You said you needed to talk to me, dear? In private?

Edward: -growls- That mangy mutt...

Bella: -sighs- So, I'm guessing this is about Jacob again-

Edward: YES OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT THAT DOG! :(

Bella: Well, what is it this time?

Edward: Renesmee-

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Renesmee: What are you two talking about, now? I can practically hear dad banging on the computer upstairs...

Bella: Nothing darling, why don't you go play outside with Jacob?

Edward: BELLA, NO!

Renesmee: -shrugs- Sure thing, mom.

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen is away.**

_**Away Message: Playing outside with my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, Jacob.**_

* * *

Bella: Now what were you saying about Renesmee?

Edward: YOU SAW! She has a screen name!

Bella: And...?

Edward: SO DOES JACOB! -glares outside at the two of them rolling in the grass-

Bella: Edward, it can't be that bad! -.-;

Edward: YES IT CAN! WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!!

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has returned.**

* * *

Bella: Renesmee? You're back so soon?

Renesmee: Yeah! I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to La Push with Jake! They're having a BONFIRE! :)

Edward: Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I forbid you to-

* * *

**Seth Clearwater has logged on.**

* * *

Seth: Hi Edward! Hi Bella! Hi Nessie! :D

Bella: Hi Seth.

Renesmee: HI SETH! :) I can't wait for the bonfire!

Seth: Me neither! Did your dad give you permission to go?

Edward: NO OF COURSE I-

Bella: -stops Edward from completing his sentence- What he meant _was, of course. _Why wouldn't he let Renesmee go to La Push?

Seth: GREAT! See ya there, Nessie! :)

* * *

**Seth Clearwater has logged off.**

* * *

Renesmee: THANKS MOM! THANKS DAD! :D

Edward: You better be home by eleven!

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Bella: Why are you so uptight, Edward?

Edward: Why are you being so calm about this?!

Bella: Because...(-puts on shades-)...I'm the COOL parent!

* * *

**Bella Cullen is Away.**

_**Away Message: At a Poetry Slam. Peace, Love, and GAP! Ttyl mah brothers! 8-)**_

* * *

Edward: ...


	2. Just Tell Me Already!

**Twilight: Instant Messaging**

**WARNING! CONTAINS SPOLERS FROM BREAKING DAWN!**

**Disclaimer: I conveniently forgot to mention that I didn't own Twilight. Whoops. Whistles and Strolls Away**

* * *

**Alice Cullen has logged on.**

**Jasper Hale has logged on.**

**Emmett Cullen has logged on.**

**Rosalie Hale has logged on.**

* * *

Alice: Omg! I can't believe Edward is actually going to... -fit of giggles-

Rosalie: -crosses arms- Hope he gives that mangy dog what he deserves!

Emmett: Oooh! A fight! Let's bet...

Alice: I already know who's going to win, Em.

Emmett: -pout- MUST YOU ALWAYS KILL MY FUN?!

* * *

**Emmett Cullen is away.**

_**Away Message: ALICE, YOU FUN KILLER!!**_

* * *

Jasper: ...

Alice: ...

Rosalie: ...

* * *

**Carlisle Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Carlisle: Anybody care to tell me why Emmett is running around the house, screaming, _"SHE'S A MURDERER! MURDERER! IT'S SPIRIT SHALL COME TO HAUNT US! REPENT WHILE YOU STILL CAN! REPENT OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" ?_

Alice: No, not really.

Carlisle: ...

Carlisle: Okay. Just wondering.

* * *

**Carlisle Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Jasper: Soooo...what is Edward going to do?

Alice: Oh, sorry Jasper. Edward was going to-

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

**Bella Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Renesmee: OMG! DAD! I SO CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!

Bella: Nessie, honey...

Jasper: Wow, this must really be bad...Bella is calling Renesmee by the dog's nickname...

Bella: NOW LISTEN HERE, JASPER HALE-!! Hey! That's not fair! Stop sending calming waves through the computer! :(

Renesmee: Hellooo!? _My_ problem, remember?

Bella: Oh. Yes. Right. Sorry, dear. You know your dad didn't mean to-

Edward: YOU KNOW LIKE HECK I MEANT TO!

Bella: ...

Bella: Edward, you're not helping the situation.

Jacob: Nessie, it really isn't a problem, it'll heal eventually-

Rosalie: YEESS! He got him!! :) I'm going to celebrate with Emmett...

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged off.**

* * *

Renesmee: ARGH! I HATE YOU DAD!

Jacob: Nessie! Wait!

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged off.**

**Jacob Black has logged off.**

* * *

Bella: Now look what you did, Edward!

Edward: Serves him right...

Bella: He didn't do anything-

Edward: OH YES HE DID! HOW DARE HE LAY HIS HANDS ON MY INNOCENT DAUGHTER!?

Alice: Edward, Bella is right. You're overreacting.

Jasper: Wait...what happened? No one told me anything yet! :(

Alice: OH! Sorry Jazz, Edward was just overreacting and-

Edward: I WASN'T OVERREACTING! -composes self- All I did was-

Bella: All _Jake_ did was put his arm around Renesmee, Edward.

Edward: But you should have heard his _thoughts,_ Bella!

Bella: You know, it's not his fault he feels attracted to her...he's a _boy_, Edward! It _would_ help if you would stop nosing around in their business!

Edward: All I did was-

Bella: What you did was _wrong!_ I expect you to apologize immediately! To Renesmee _and_ Jacob!

Edward: But-

Bella: DO IT OR ELSE!

* * *

**Bella Cullen is Away.**

_**Away Message: Yoga class! Finding my inner tranquility...YOU BETTER DO WHAT I TOLD YOU, EDWARD, OR ELSE I WILL...#&!(#&#!!... Love you all! :-)**_

* * *

Alice: Wow...

Jasper: Yeah...

Edward: I'd better...

Alice: Yeah, you should.

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Jasper: Hey! Wait a minute!

Alice: What is it, Jasper?

Jasper: I _STILL_ DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

Alice: Oh, you mean to Jacob? Well, Edward was a little upset, so he-

Alice: OH! SORRY JASPER! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! EMMETT IS PLANNING ON BURNING DOWN THE MALL! :O CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN!

* * *

**Alice Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Jasper: ...

Jasper: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?! :0

* * *

**No One has logged on.**

* * *

Jasper: Who are YOU?

No One: No One.

Jasper: Oh.

Jasper: Are _you_ going to tell me what happened?

No One: No.

Jasper: ...

Jasper: Okay.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if it seems OOC to you. -.-; Edward is just becoming a little TOO overprotective over his only daughter...a "teenage" daughter, at that, who is going to marry a "teenage" werewolf someday...  
And Bella is just being more straightforward as her vampire-self...**


	3. Operation TTGAL

**A/N: Thanks to all those readers and reviewers out there! :D Hope you enjoy this chapter! :)**

**Twilight: Instant Messaging**

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

* * *

Jacob: Ness, I swear, it wasn't _that_ bad...I heal fast, remember?

Renesmee: B-But he almost ruined your chances at Fatherhood!

Jasper: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Renesmee: Uncle Jasper?! When did _you_ get here?!

Jasper: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Renesmee: ...

Jasper: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Renesmee: (slightly pissed) ...

Jasper: -gasps for air even though he doesn't need to-

Renesmee: Yes, I'm waiting.

Jasper: -composes self- I never left. -.-; No one would tell me what Edward did, sooo...

Renesmee: ...You should leave. Now.

Jasper: Sheesh...!! Someone inherited a certain temper from their mother...

* * *

**Bella Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Jasper: Oh crap-

Bella: WHAT WAS THAT, JASPER HALE?!

Jasper: -whimpers-

Bella: IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?!

Jasper: N-n-nothing. It w-was n-nothing!

Jacob: Wooot! Go Bella!

Bella: -backs Jasper into a dark alley- I DO NOT, REPEAT **DO NOT **HAVE A TEMPER! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!

Jasper: Y-yes, Bella. I w-was just l-leaving...

* * *

**Jasper Hale has logged off.**

* * *

Renesmee: Thanks, Mom.

Bella: No problem, sweetie.

* * *

**Bella Cullen is Away.**

_**Away Message: Deep Tissue Massage. Very calming, NOT THAT I NEED IT! ISN'T THAT RIGHT, JASPER?! Be back at Eight!! Toodles! :-)**_

* * *

Jacob: -chuckles- Your mom really knows how to lose her temper...

Renesmee: WHAT?! ARE YOU AGREEING WITH UNCLE JASPER!?

Jacob: N-no, N-nessie, I-

Renesmee: ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE ANGER ISSUES!? BECAUSE I MOST CERTAINLY **DO NOT!! **LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU, JACOB BLACK!

Jacob: But this is a chatroom...

Renesmee: -backs Jacob into a dark alley- WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?!

Jacob: N-nothing, Ness, I-I love you, I r-really do..._despite_ your temper tantrums!

Renesmee: WRONG ANSWER!

Jacob: Nooooooo!! Save meee!!

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen is Away.**

_**Away Message: Yoo-hoo! Where are you BEST BUDDY?!**_

* * *

**Jacob Black is Away.**

_**Away Message: SOS! SOS! HELP ME!! Nessie is trying to- OH CRAP! SHE FOUND ME! SAVE ME! SAVE ME PLEASE BEFORE SHE-**_

* * *

**Jacob Black has logged off.**

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged on.**

**Renesmee Cullen has returned.**

* * *

Renesmee: Mission Accomplished.

Rosalie: Good Job, Nessie. :)

Rosalie: Now, let us begin Operation TTGAL.

Renesmee: Yes. Let's.

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged off.**

**Rosalie Hale has logged off.**

* * *

**A/N: Hehehehe...Next Chapter should be up shortly...In the meantime, I'm curious to see what you think TTGAL stands for... :D (It's obvious really...I couldn't think of anything else...) -.-;**


	4. GASP!

**A/N: Thanks, once again, to all you readers and reviewers! :) Oh, and again, I apologize if they seem OOC... . I think Bella is instilling fear in a lot of people lately...at least now that she's a venomous vampire...heh...**

**Twilight Instant Messaging:**

* * *

**Emmett Cullen has logged on.**

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

**Jasper Hale has logged on.**

**Carlisle Cullen has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

* * *

Emmett: ALL THE WOMEN IN THIS HOUSE ARE GOING INSANE!!

Jasper: Yes, I agree. Edward, your wife is beginning to scare me...

Edward: _My _wife?! Did you see what _Alice_ did?!

Jasper: ...

Emmett: INSANE I TELL YOU! INSANE!!

Jacob: I think Nessie is PMSing...

Edward: SERVES YOU RIGHT, DOG! You should have left your grubby paws _off_ of her!

Jacob: All I did was put my arm around her! She said she was _cold_!

Edward: Why I oughta'...

Jasper: Calm down, Edward.

Edward: -snarls- Easy for you to say, oh-mighty-empath.

Carlisle: Jasper is right Edward...we have to work together to figure out what is upsetting the ladies...it would help if you stopped grumbling about Jacob and Renesmee. They _are_ going to end up together someday.

Edward: Says who?!

Carlisle: Stephenie Meyer.

Edward: WHY MUST I ONLY BE FICTIONAL? WHYY ME?!

Jasper: We all are, brother, we all are.

Carlisle: ...

Carlisle: Now about solving this dilemma-

Emmett: THEY ARE CRAZY! WE ARE AL DOOOMED! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST! ROSALIE HAS GONE MAD! MAD I TELL YOU! MAD! -sticks head in sand-

Edward: Stuff it, Emmett. It's not going to help anything. Are you actually _afraid_ of your wife?!

Emmett: Yes. Very.

Edward: ...

Edward: Well, I sure am _not_. Right, guys? Carlisle? Jasper?

Carlisle: ...

Jasper: ...

Edward: OH COME _ON_! Don't tell me you actually _fear_ them!

Jasper: Edward, do you _know_ what Alice can _do_?!

Carlisle: Sorry, son, but Esme has the upper hand here...

Edward: _Fine, cowards_. And don't _you_ tell me you're scared of _Nessie_, wolf.

Jacob: Actually...

Edward: ARGH! I don't want to hear it! You're a _**WEREWOLF**_ and a bunch of _**VAMPIRES!**_ What can they possibly _do_!?

Jacob: She's my imprint, Edward. And in case you didn't know, that means she can make me do whatever she wants. -shrugs- I'm just a puppet in her hands...

Jasper: And in case you haven't noticed...

Carlisle: They're vampires, as well...

Emmett: AND THEY'RE _**WOMEN**_!! CRAZED, INSANE _**WOMEN**_!! LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! -packs bags and gets up to leave-

Carlisle: Hold it right there, Emmett.

Emmett: ?

Carlisle: It seems to me like you know more about the situation then you're letting on...

Emmett: ?

Edward: WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!

Emmett: -innocent face- I have no idea what you're talking about, Eddie. 0:)

Jasper: Yep. He's _GUILTY_. I can feel it...

Emmett: Well, I'll just be going now...

Edward: Where do you think _you're_ going?

Emmett: Uhh...bathroom break?

Jasper: You can't go to the bathroom, Emmett...

Emmett: Uhh...I'm hungry...I'm just going to go down to the kitchen and-

Jacob: You don't eat, bloodsucker...

Emmett: Well..._fine_! If you _must_ know, I'm in **great depression**, and was just about to hide in the closet and cry myself to sleep!

Carlisle: You can't cry either...vampires can't form tears...

Edward: And you can't sleep...

Emmett: WELL...FINE!

Edward: We're waiting...

Emmett: Okay, Okay! I Admit It! I'm GUILTY!! :(

Edward: Go on...

Emmett: I jumped around in Esme's flower beds...

Carlisle: GASP!

Emmett: And ruined the carpet with my muddy sneakers...

Carlisle: GASP-GASP!

Edward: Go on...

Carlisle: THERE'S MORE!? GASP-GASP-GASP!

Jasper: Don't you think it's a little Out Of Character for you to GASP! like that all the time?

Carlisle: Yes, but right now the situation calls for such things! GASPITY-GASP!

Jasper: Riiight.

Emmett: And I put Alice's credit cards in the oven...

Jasper: GASP!

Emmett: That started a fire and ruined her _favorite_ outfit...

Jasper: Not the blue skirt and the black top with the ruffles! :O

Emmett: Yes. The blue skirt and the black top with the ruffles...

Jasper: GASP-GASP!

Edward: Please continue...

Jasper: YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU!? GASPITY-GASP!

Jacob: I think you guys are overreacting, it can't be _that_ bad...

Emmett: I emailed Nessie's crush pictures of her as a baby...

Jacob: She was a very pretty baby!

Emmett: In the bathtub...

Jacob: GASP! NOT WITH MR.DUCKY!?

Emmett: Yes, with Mr. Ducky...

Jacob: GASP-GASP!

Emmett: That Robert guy will never talk to her again...

Jacob: BUT SHE LIKED HIM FOR _MONTHS!_ GASPITY-GASP!

Emmett: Yeah, and I cut her hair while she was sleeping...

Jacob: YOU WHAT!? YOU ARE A DEAD MAN EMMETT!

Edward: Oh, yes. And he's not even done yet...

Jacob: You monster!

Jasper: You fiend!

Carlisle: -shakes head in disappointment-

Emmett: Okay, so I kinda, sorta, C_rashedRose'sCarIntoATree_

Jasper: ...you are a dead man walking...

Emmett: For some reason, I don't find that disturbing in any way...

Edward: And that's not even the worst of it...

Jacob: HAH! What did you do? Break all the mirrors?! -laughs-

Emmett: ...

Jacob: WHAT?!

Emmett: Yeah, actually, I did...

Jasper: How come you messed with everyone except for Bella?

Emmett: Oh, she's not back from her pottery class, yet...

Carlisle: What did you do now? :( (You are definitely grounded after this is all over...)

Emmett: Let's just say I redecorated their little cottage...hehehehe...

Edward: Why would you do all of this is you knew everyone was going to kill you for it?

Emmett: 'Cause it was _fun_! And plus, you guys are all going down with me! Mwuahahahahaha!!

Jasper: ...

Jacob: Let's get 'em.

Edward: For once, Jacob, I agree with you...

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

**Jasper Hale has logged off.**

**Jacob Black has logged off.**

* * *

Emmett: No worries. At least I still have pacifist Carlisle over here...right, Carlisle?

Carlisle: I usually refrain from violence, but your actions call for severe punishment...

Emmett: I knew you'd agree with me-- Wait, what?! Nooooo!!

* * *

**Carlisle Cullen has logged off.**

**Emmett Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged on.**

**Alice Cullen has logged on.**

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.**

**Esme Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Rosalie: Ok, girls. We have gathered here today to commence Opertaion TTGAL...

Esme: Umm...sorry for asking, Rose, but what does TTGAL stand for?

Rosalie: It stands for Teach Those Guys A Lesson.

Alice: How _creative_, Rose.

Rosalie: Why thank you, Alice. :)

Alice: I was being sarcastic.

Rosalie: What does that mean?

Alice: Nevermind. -.-;

Rosalie: Anyways! They are going to pay! I can't believe Emmett broke all of the mirrors! :(

Esme: What are we going to do, Rose?

Rosalie: Easy. We make them do the things they don't like.

Alice: Manicures, Pedicures, Facials...

Rosalie: Chick Flicks, Shopping Sprees...

Esme: AND CLEANING! YES! :)

Renesmee: I don't know about this, guys, Jake didn't really _do_ anything_..._

Rosalie: ARE YOU REBELLING AGAINST ME, NESSIE?!

Renesmee: -cowers in fear- N-no, sorry Auntie Rose!

Rosalie: SORRY, WHO?

Renesmee: -salute- Sorry Auntie Rose Ma'am!

Rosalie: Better.

Rosalie: Now... :) Where's Bella?

Alice: Oh, she's at watercolor painting or scrap-booking or embroidery class or whatever...

Rosalie: Nevermind her, then...she'll unleash her own wrath later...Let us begin!

Alice: SHOPPING FIRST!!

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged off.**

**Alice Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Renesmee: Are you sure about this, Esme? Emmett was the only one who really did anything wrong...

Esme: -shrugs- Acceptable Losses. AS LONG AS I GET TO MAKE THEM CLEAN! MWUAHAHA!

* * *

**Esme Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Renesmee: Wow. Grandma has a dark side...

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it! This was the longest one so far...!! :) THANK YOU FOR all of your kind reviews!! I will update tomorrow! :D**


	5. Seeing Double?

**A/N: :) I hope you guys liked the other chapter...I tried to make it extra-long...but I don't know if I overdid some of it...if you ever have any suggestions/ideas you'd like to share, please don't hesitate to let me know! :D**

**Twilight: Instant Messaging**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it. -.-;

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

**Jasper Hale has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

**Carlisle Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Edward: Emmett is going to _pay_...

Jasper: He makes me so _mad!_ _I_ can't even calm myself down!

Jacob: THAT FREAKIN' BLONDE GAVE ME A MANICURE!!

Carlisle: Actually, I thought it was kind of nice...

Jacob: SHE PAINTED MY NAILS _PINK! __**PINK!**_

Carlisle: Well...

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged on.**

* * *

Rosalie: I think pink is your color, _dog_. Wait until you see the outfit Alice and I picked out... :)

Edward: -snickers-

Jacob: ARGH! I'M OUTTA HERE!

* * *

**Jacob Black has logged off.**

* * *

Rosalie: Don't worry, Edward, we've got something picked out especially for you, too. -grin-

Edward: What? NO WAY! I REFUSE! THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING ME IN _THAT-_

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Rosalie: -smirks- Oh yes there is...wait 'til Bella gets back... ;)

* * *

**Rosalie Hale has logged off.**

* * *

Carlisle: We'd better go...Esme wants us to vacuum the den...

Jasper: Why are you so serene about all of this? You didn't do anything either...

Carlisle: -shrugs- I think it's best we just go along with them...remember what happened when Emmett forgot his and Rose's anniversary?

Jasper: Oh..yeah, you guys told me about it...wasn't it World War Two or something?

Carlisle: Exactly.

Jasper: ...

Jasper: I see you point...

* * *

**Carlisle Cullen has logged off.**

**Jasper Hale has logged off.**

* * *

**Emmett Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Emmett: Ahhh! Peace at last! A chatroom all to myself! :)

Emmett: No, I'm still here.

Emmett: Who are you?!

Emmett: You.

Emmett: Well, "You," why won't you leave me alone? I'm trying to enjoy some peace and quiet. :

Emmett: Because I'm you.

Emmett: You already told me that. Now listen to me, Buster-

Emmett: My name isn't Buster, Buster! My name is Emmett.

Emmett: I thought you said your name was You!

Emmett: No, I said that I was _you_.

Emmett: Then why did you say you were _me_?

Emmett: Because I am.

Emmett: So you're you _and_ me? How is that possible?!

Emmett: I'm Emmett.

Emmett: No, _I'm_ Emmett. You're you...or wait...you're _me._

Emmett: So _I'm_ me and you and Emmett at the same time?!

Emmett: Yeah! I mean, no. I mean-

Emmett: You are so indecisive sometimes, Emmett.

Emmett: You mean _you're_ indecisive.

Emmett: We're indecisive together, dummy.

Emmett: Oooh...that makes a lot more sense...

* * *

**Alice Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Alice: EMMETT GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW SO WE CAN START OUR FASHION SHOW! :(

Emmett: Which one?

Alice: There's only one of you, doofus.

Emmett: No, there's me.

Emmett: And there's _me_.

Alice: BOTH OF YOU, I DON'T CARE! JUST GET DOWN HERE!

Emmett: We don't want to.

Alice: _**NOW!**_ **Before I tell Rose to come find you... And trust me, you **_**don't**_ **want that to happen. :)**

Emmett: Fine, fine. We're coming, sheesh. :(

* * *

**Emmett Cullen has logged off.**

**Emmett Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Alice: What?! There were actually _two_ of him?!

Alice: -sighs- The things I still don't understand...

* * *

**Alice Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

**Bella Cullen has logged on.**

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Bella: I AM GOING TO KILL EMMETT AND RIP HIS HEAD OFF AND-

Edward: Calm down, dear.

Bella: -stops yelling- Good idea, Edward...But now we have to figure out how Emmett is going to pay for this...Know anything that might help?

Edward: Well...he _is_ afraid of garden gnomes...

Bella: WHAT?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! -laughs uncontrollably-

Edward: ...

Bella: -deep breaths- I have an ingenious plan... :-) Follow me, darling.

* * *

**Bella Cullen has logged off.**

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

* * *

Renesmee: It wasn't _that_ bad, Jake...

Jacob: _Yes it was._

Renesmee: ...

Renesmee: If it makes you feel any better, I thought you looked kind of cute in that dress...

Jacob: It doesn't.

Renesmee: Oh...

Renesmee: Well, think of it this way...when we're older, we can tell our grandchildren about the day that their Grandma Alice made their Grandpa Jake model a pink dress in front of everyone! :)

Jacob: IT HAD PUFFY SLEEVES AND A FRILLY SKIRT! AND THEY MADE ME WEAR A BONNET!! AND-

Jacob: -sudden change of mood- Wait a minute..._grandchildren_?

Renesmee: -embarrassed- Um...er...yeah, you know if you wanted to...

Jacob: -positively beaming- Nessie! Of course I-

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Edward: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, MUTT!

Jacob: Pleeeeaaasssee? :(

Edward: NO! AND THAT IS FINAL!

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Jacob: :(

Jacob: :(

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

* * *

Edward: Okay, _Bella_ is making me do this, but-

Renesmee: Go on, Dad.

Edward: -clears throat- Ermm...I apologize for yelling, and, er...

Renesmee: And..?

Edward: -gulp- And, I am, er, looking forward to my many great-grandchildren...

Jacob: :)

Edward: GAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT!

* * *

**Edward Cullen has logged off.**

* * *

Jacob: :)

Jacob: :)

Renesmee: ...

Jacob: :)

Renesmee: Er...you can stop doing that now, Jake...

Jacob: :)

Jacob: :)

Renesmee: I SAID STOP DOING THAT!

Jacob: :(

* * *

**A/N: Ah, so that was a short chapter, compared to the previous one, but I think I have to take a break for now...sorry if it wasn't as good as the other ones...and please don't hesitate to let me know what you think!**

**Thanks again to all you readers and reviewers! :) Ah, and Evee-san, I should be using your suggestion pretty soon! :D **


	6. Bad Jokes Part I

**A/N: Special Chapter Dedicated to: all of my wonderful readers and reviewers, who encouraged me to continue this fic...especially Alicefan1. :)**

**Disclaimer:** **Blah, blah, blah, Twilight is not mine, blah, blah, blah, I am not Stephenie Meyer, etc.**

**Twilight: Instant Messaging:**

**Edward Cullen has logged on.**

**Bella Cullen has logged on.**

**Jasper Hale has logged on.**

**Alice Cullen has logged on.**

**Jacob Black has logged on.**

**Renesmee Cullen has logged on.

* * *

**

Bella: How much longer Alice? :)

Alice: In three, two...

Emmett: AHHHH! GARDEN GNOMES!!!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! AHHH! GEROFF! GEROFF ME!!! _**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**

* * *

**_**Emmett Cullen is Away.**

_**Away Message: AHHH! THEY'RE EATING ME ALIIIVE!!! HELP MEE!

* * *

**_

Jasper: Ha-ha. He isn't even alive! Haha. Get it? He's a vampire? So he's dead? Get it? :)

Edward: ...

Bella: ...

Jacob: ...

Alice: ...

Alice: ..._Anyways..._

Jasper: What? You don't get it? Here's another one then...

Alice: Jasper...

Jasper: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

Alice: I don't think you should-

Renesmee: Why, Uncle Jasper?

Alice: Oh dear...

Jasper: _Because_, he got run over by a car!

Renesmee: ...

Jasper: Get it? Isn't it funny? :)

Renesmee: ;____;

Jacob: Oh no! Nessie, don't cry!

Renesmee: -sob-

Jacob: Look what you did, bloodsucker! :(

Jasper: Well, maybe that wasn't the best joke...

Jacob: Ya think?

Jasper: How about this one?

Edward: Jasper, maybe you should-

Jasper: Why were the blueberries crying? :)

Renesmee: -sniffle- ...Why?

Jasper: _Because_ their parents were stuck in a jam!

Renesmee: ...

Jasper: -nudge-nudge- Get it? :D

Renesmee: WAAAAAHH! THE POOR BLUEBERRIES!!!

* * *

**Renesmee Cullen has logged off.

* * *

**

Jacob: NESSIE! NOOOO!

Jacob: ARGH! YOU STUPID LEECH!

* * *

**Jacob Black has logged off.

* * *

**

Jasper: -hurt- Was it something I said?

-Silence-

Jasper: -shrugs- Ah well...have you all heard the one about the pineapple and the mountain lion?

* * *

**Edward Cullen went invisible.**

**Bella Cullen went invisible.**

**Alice Cullen went invisible.

* * *

**

Jasper: Hey! Where'd everyone go?

Jasper: Oh well...I'll just find them and tell them in person...

* * *

**Jasper Hale has logged off.

* * *

**

**Edward Cullen is no longer invisible.**

**Bella Cullen is no longer invisible.**

**Alice Cullen is no longer invisible.

* * *

**

Bella: Phew! That was a close one!

Alice: Tell me about it! -__-;

Edward: Alice, would you mind telling us _what_ exactly is going on with Jasper?

Alice: Uh, well...

Bella: Yes, go on...

Alice: Jasper, has...well, he claims that he's found his funny-side.

Edward: He's _funny_ all right...

Bella: Yeah, in a creepy, sadistic way...

Alice: He's determined now more than ever to live his life in a cheerful way, and "bring smiles to the faces of children everywhere"...

Bella: Sounds like a dentist version of Santa Claus.

Edward: So besides the lame and cruel jokes, is there anything else we have to look out for?

Alice: ...

Alice: None that you need be concerned about at the moment...

Edward: Alice-

Alice: Must dash! Important things to be done! Goodbye!

* * *

**Alice Cullen has logged off.

* * *

  
**

Bella: I wonder what she's hiding from us...

Edward: Whatever it is, it can't be good.

Bella: ...

Bella: Want to go watch Emmett wrestle inanimate garden gnomes? :)

Edward: -grins- I wouldn't miss it for the world.

* * *

**Bella Cullen has logged off.**

**Edward Cullen has logged off.

* * *

  
**

**A/N: So I'm sorry it's been so long, and that it's so short...I really had to take a break from writing/updating fanfiction these past weeks...I hope you liked it! Please let me know if you have any suggests/advice/etc. I haven't updated this story for awhile, so I don't quite know if the story is moving along okay again. :)**


End file.
